There’s just no other way to say it- sometimes being a working mom stinks. I didn’t always feel this way. Actually, when I was little and people would ask the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” a mom was NOT on my radar. Sure, I wanted to get married and have a family someday, but it was never forefront in my mind. There were too many other things I wanted to do.
Fast forward quite a few years and I found myself with four small children at home. And I was grateful I was able to stay home with them. I didn’t want someone else taking pictures of their first steps or hearing their first words. I wanted it to be me. But I was a tired stay at home mom. Dishes and laundry and never ending meal preparation and waking up in the middle of the night were not fun. Limited social interaction with other adults made me feel stir crazy. And as much as I loved my sweet little children and wanted to be home with them, I always thought about the time when they would be old enough for me to go back to work, even just part time so I could get out of the house and contribute to something. I have said this phrase over and over in my short span of motherhood, “I’m just not a good stay at home mom.”
Fast forward a few more years and here I am- my kids are in school all day and I go off to work everyday. A dream come true, right? And yet, I wish for the days when I was home getting the laundry done and taking field trips to the park.
My Job is Great…Right?
This is the crazy part: my job IS great. I have the best out of home job you can have with kids. Literally. I work only when my kids are in school and I’m home or close to home when school is out for each of them. I only work occasional Saturdays when my husband is home with our kids. And as long as I put in my part time hours, I’m eligible for health insurance benefits and a 401K. The real kicker? I actually like what I do and I’m good at it.
So what’s wrong with me? What on earth do I have to complain about? This is what I wanted, right? Honestly, I don’t have any right to complain. I know I’m blessed to have the job I do. I am lucky to be able to provide health insurance for my family, as well as extras that we wouldn’t otherwise have. And I get to do all that without any huge sacrifices. Except that the small sacrifices are starting to stack up.
It Was Just a Simple Mom Moment
At the beginning of the school year I had one of those “mom moments” that struck me hard. My oldest daughter started high school. No biggie, right? Until I realized that I have four years left. Four. I have four years before my family dynamic changes for good. And then I started to think back to her younger years, wondering if I had done enough and been enough for her. Which led me to reflect on the current status of my younger kids. When my two oldest were in elementary school, I volunteered in their classrooms, helped at parties; I was even the room mom for a couple years. (Yeah, who would’ve thought?) The teachers all knew me by name. I knew all of the kids in the classrooms.
Now when I show up for a program or parent conference, I almost feel like a stranger. I’m the mom who shows up to Back To School Night and says, “Sorry, I can never come help in your class, but shoot me a text and I’ll buy you anything you need.” I’m the mom who has to schedule a personal day at least a month in advance if I’m going to chaperone a field trip. And I’m the mom who tells her kids to call grandma if they’re sick at school and need to be checked out early. It’s starting to lose its appeal.
I don’t get the summers off, which means my kids are home alone for over four hours each day. It doesn’t seem like much, but when you’re an elementary aged kid, it’s a lifetime. And the real knife to the heart: when I have days off, my younger kids will say in their prayers, “We’re grateful Mom didn’t have to work today.” Sad, right?
So, What Saves Me Right Now?
Over a year ago, I had a half hour commute to work each day. I would drop my kids off at a friend’s house before school, she would take them to school with her daughter, and I would pick them all up after school. She was my lifesaver so I could make that drive everyday and not be late to work. My other saving grace was this sweet friend of mine who would call me nearly every morning for what we would call “commute chat”. We were both working part time hours at our jobs and were both usually in the car at the same time. Over and over we would weigh the pros and cons of what we were doing: was the time spent out of our homes really worth the money, or in both our cases, the health insurance? We’ve talked each other off the ledges of so many cliffs on so many days. And even now that I don’t have those long drives, I look forward to the ten minutes I spend with her on the phone in the mornings.
Everyone needs a sounding board when things are hard. She’s mine. She understands completely why I do what I do and why it is hard on some days. And she’s the first to encourage me when I need it most. My advice to you working moms: find a “commute chat” buddy, even if it’s only evening texts or a Sunday night chat. Find someone who understands and who will cheer you on, whatever your circumstances are.
Now What?
Isn’t that the question of the century for just about everyone: now what? Reality is that I’m not going to quit my job tomorrow so I can volunteer in my kids’ classrooms. Reality is that most working moms are working for a reason. Maybe you need to financially support your family or you need the health insurance or maybe it is just in your makeup to be a happier, more fulfilled person through your job- everyone has their reasons and that’s OK! But I am going to issue a challenge to you: make the most of the time you have with your kids. Power down after you get home and focus on them. They need us. They need us to be present and available when we can be. And they need us to ask questions and be concerned and dig into their lives.
So, I will continue doing my laundry at 10:00 at night. I may make several mad dashes to the grocery store every week instead of one thought out trip. And I will sink into bed each night, tired from the running around I do each day. But that’s OK. Because I love being a mom. There’s no better job in life. And there is no greater reward than their happiness. Time ticks faster and faster and I don’t want to be left wondering if I was truly present enough in our home.
My hat is off to you working moms out there. You are juggling about twenty different balls and you’re rocking it. I am in awe of the strong women I know. May I grow up to be like you. 🙂
