When I was growing up, my parents conducted what they called “Family Interviews” one Sunday a month. They would sit down with each child individually and ask questions about their lives. They’d talk about how things were going at school, at home, and with our friends. We’d make a goal for us to work on throughout the month and then they’d follow through the next month we met. My mom always kept notes in a notebook of what we had discussed, which made the follow-up easy. And they always gave us a treat as we were leaving their room- usually a candy bar of some sort. 

With ten kids in our family, these family interviews were guaranteed alone time with the parents, which didn’t happen a ton. It was a time for us to unload on what was bothering us or complain about a messy bedroom buddy who we just couldn’t live with anymore. After my parents would get through the whole lot of us, they’d then take some time and discuss things together. I can remember them taking many Sunday walks alone. 

As my husband and I started our family, I knew this was something that I wanted to adopt with my own children. About the time our oldest was eight and our youngest was two, we started conducting our own family interviews. They aren’t exactly the same as my parents did, but we do what works for us. We aren’t perfect at it- there are plenty of months that we miss- but we try. 

Our kids take turns coming into our bedroom and they lay on our bed while we talk. I have a notebook where I keep notes of what we’ve discussed and we look back at previous months to see how we are doing. As our kids get older, the interviews have changed some. Some of our discussions become more heated than I’d like to admit. We’ve had kids leave our room rolling their eyes and slamming our door behind them. It’s not the best, but we hope maybe it means we are getting through to them. 

We also have awesome moments where I feel like our kids are opening up and really talking to us. They tell us what’s bothering them or give us a list of goals they want to accomplish. And our kids LOVE when we go back through the years and read about past interviews. Sometimes they will all come sit on our bed and will just listen to me read from previous years. They laugh and talk and remember. It’s my favorite. 

Tips For Successful Family Interviews

1. Keep a record of what you’ve talked about. Write the date at the top of each page. I am amazed at how far my kids have come since we started this. And it’s good for them to see it, too! It doesn’t have to be fancy. Grab any kind of notebook you can. Mine is a ratty, ugly, bright pink composition notebook with scribbles on the front. But it keeps everything in one place and works. I frequently write actual quotes of what they are saying in my notes. I’m so glad I started doing that because little kids are hilarious! 
2. Set a regular time and then be consistent. This is a biggie! My kids look forward to these interviews and when we miss a month, I usually have at least one child reminding me that it didn’t happen. I think they crave the alone time they get with us, so we need to facilitate it as much as we can! If you can’t commit to once a month, try once a quarter. Something is better than nothing!
3. Ban electronics from being a part of these interviews. Look into their faces when they are talking to you. Gauge their expressions to find hidden meaning behind what they say. Make them look you in the eyes while they are talking. If nothing else, it is great practice for them to speak with an adult face to face. And it lets them know that you are listening and actually hearing what they are saying. 
4. Ask questions that need more than a one word response. For example, “How is school going?” can be answered with “Fine.” And they don’t have to tell you anything else. But if you ask, “Tell me about your classes at school, who do you sit with at lunch, or do you have a favorite teacher” they will have to think about their responses and you will glean much more information about what is really going on in their lives. 
5. Set goals and follow through with them. They can be small. For example, one of our kids was having trouble with another sibling. We decided to set a goal for the month of walking away from that sibling when they got frustrated or annoyed. We had another who set a goal to keep their room clean for one month. And since we write these things down, we can check up the next month and see how things went. 
6. Ask your kids what you can do to be a better parent. This isn’t just about them, it’s about you as well. Find out what they think of your parenting skills. Let them critique you a little bit and then take the time to analyze yourself. Are they right? Are there things you can do to improve? 

I love our family interviews. It has been such a good way for us to play an active, intentional part of our kids’ lives. I want them to come to me when they are struggling or need advice and I feel like starting our family interviews when they were young has opened the door for good communication in the future. 

Give it a try! You might be surprised at what your kids will tell you next. 🙂