I recently took on the challenge of going without social media for a week with my teenage daughters. They were not thrilled, but agreed to it. But they mostly agreed to it because I told them they had to. Sometimes I’m mean like that. And then I decided that if I was insisting they do it, I should take the lead and try it, as well.
I have to tell you- it was a good week and I could effectively end the conversation there. I have no doubt that anyone who is reading this does not need to guess the reasons why it was a good week. But I want to tell you a few things I discovered that may not be so common or, dare I say, popular.
THe Cons of no social media
Yes, there were a couple things that I hated about deleting my social media for the week. The biggest thing was missing the updates from family who I don’t talk to regularly. Several months ago, my nephew and his wife had a baby born at 27 weeks. He was obviously in the NICU for months on end. And as it happened, the week of my social media fast was the week they were to bring their sweet baby home. I hated not seeing the pictures and reading the updates.
But was it the end of the world? Of course not. Could I have called or texted my sister to get an update on their circumstances? Certainly. And honestly, wouldn’t that have been more personal anyway? Better yet, I should have texted my nephew to let him know that I was thinking of them! This digital world makes us lazy, doesn’t it?
I also hated the moments of journaling during the week that I missed. Frequently I post pictures and thoughts to remember the moment. My kids love to look back at old pictures and posting a picture and description on Instagram is fast, easy and I can do it from anywhere. We had a family reunion with my husband’s family over the social media free week and I didn’t post a single remembrance about it. It’s only a small thing, but I did miss it. I also determined that posting after the fact defeated the purpose of a social media fast, so I didn’t go back and do it.
Are there ways around this? Sure. I could resurrect my blog that has been dormant for years. I should open an Instagram account that is just for me so I can post whatever pictures I want and create chatbooks for my kids. Part of what stops me from posting more is the fact that I don’t want or need every follower I have to know exactly what is going on in our lives. The famous Theodore Roosevelt saying is in full force here, “Comparison is the thief of joy”. I don’t want to compare my life with anyone else’s and I certainly don’t want anyone comparing theirs to mine.
The pros of no social media
Time, time time! Have you ever taken a moment to look at where you spend your time on your phone? Do yourself a favor- if you have an iPhone, head to Settings. Select Battery and look at the percentages listed for the various apps on your phone. You can look at the last 24 hours and the last 7 days. I’m almost ashamed to tell you that 28% of my battery in the last 7 days was used for my Kindle app. It was followed by less significant numbers in Messages, Safari, Instagram, GroupMe, Facebook, Mail, Target and Amazon. The week of my social media fast was an eye opener in the amount of time that is sucked away from me by meaningless moments of scrolling through feeds or reading news stories that only make me sad or angry.
Even more distressing than the amount of social media time was the amount of time that I sit reading when I could and should be doing something else! Now, reading isn’t bad by any means! But what a time sucker! What happened to my moderation in all things? I was horrified when I went in and looked at my numbers. And I was amazed at how much time I had once I put my phone down. I didn’t even carry it in my back pocket. I set it on the counter and walked away. It was the best thing I’ve done in ages.
And more eye opening than my own bad habits were the bad habits of others around me. I might get some backlash for writing down my observations, as they are about my own family, but I’m going to do it anyway. I’m hoping they will forgive me. As half of our social media free week was spent in the company of extended family, it gave me plenty of time to watch the behavior of others.
The most vivid moment in my memory was a train ride from our hotel to a soccer stadium to watch the US Women’s soccer team play. It took over an hour with all the stops, as well as a change from the train to trax. And while I sat there and watched, kids and adults alike had their heads buried in their phones. Occasionally they looked up and engaged in conversation with the others sitting near them, but by and large the time was filled with their screens.
I felt sad. Here we were, having family time and we weren’t even spending time together. It wasn’t quality time, in the least. My kids spent their time staring out the windows and asking questions because they couldn’t be on their phones, but I don’t think they would have been any different than the others if we hadn’t been on our social media break.
the real issue
How many moments are we missing because we don’t take the time to look up? How many times a day do you miss what your kids are asking you because you were on your phone and not paying attention? Are you at all concerned about the amount of time your kids spend on their electronic devices? And what are we teaching them by allowing ourselves to get sucked into the world of social media, gaming, internet surfing, etc? Are we sending them the message that they aren’t as important as whatever is on the screen in front of us?
I’m scared of what we are becoming and what we are allowing our kids to become. Just last night I was talking to a friend who said she had heard someone say recently that as parents, we need to not allow our kids to create habits now that will take them years to overcome later. What a profound thought. We are their parents. Let’s act like it! Let them get angry, let them scream, let them cry! And for heaven’s sake, let’s teach them by example.
There is a time and a place for social media, screen time and gaming. I’m not saying it’s all bad. I am saying that in a lot of ways it is out of control. And we need to do something about it. Please, please think about what you are doing. Be conscious of what your kids are doing. Don’t allow time online to start controlling yours or your kids’ thoughts and actions. Stop comparing your life to those digitally altered and enhanced social media pictures. It will give you nothing but a sense of sadness and discontent. Be present in your home. Be present in your kids’ lives. Create memories that are just for you and not for the social media world. Open your secret Instagram account and make chatbooks for your kids without the world looking on and giving their heart of approval. You don’t need it.
Please be aware and alert as to how your kids spend their time on their electronic devices. Do not allow them to get sucked into comparison, pornography, cyber bullying, hours of gaming on end, and a need for social approval. It will only lead to years of heartache if it goes unchecked. Our kids need boundaries and rules. Let’s set them up and then stick to it! You are an adult. You are strong and you do not need your teenagers or young children telling YOU what they will do.
If nothing else, help your kids understand the effects of so much screen time. Help them recognize that their feelings of inadequacy because of what they are viewing are not normal and not necessary! There is a way to live free of those depressing and anxious thoughts that may plague them. Wean them off slowly, if that is what it takes. Isn’t it sad that we can compare this to helping someone off drugs or alcohol? Surely we can do better than this. As parents, surely we want better than this for our children.
My family isn’t perfect. We have so much to work on in this department. But the first step is to recognize that it is a problem and I have certainly done that in the last few weeks. Take a social media break for a week and see if you come to the same conclusions as me. I hope you will. The more of us who come on board, the easier it will be to make the change. 🙂
