Shady Mistakes

So this blog is a confession as I made a shady mistake and really want to fix it. This is kind of embarrassing and I’m not very good at saying sorry or confessing but here is my best shot. I don’t know how to fix my mistake as I don’t know the person or name of whom I wronged, so I’m throwing this out into the big black void, hoping for some forgiveness.

I think of myself as a good person. I feel like I have morals, standards, values or whatever you want to call them. Well, I thought I did. I try to live my life based on these standards. A few weeks ago, though, I made a dumb decision that has haunted me since. It wasn’t earth shaking or life changing.  It did make me realize that even with standards, I still make mistakes that I have to live with. I know I’m not perfect so this stupid choice shouldn’t have come as such a shock to me but I am usually brave enough to make the harder right choice. I’m also old enough to not do dumb things anymore. At least I thought I was. Haha! I guess I still have some growing up to do!

Confession

This time I didn’t make the right choice, though, and it was over the most mundane thing, clothes. I wanted something, felt like I had the right to have it as my order came wrong, and therefore changed with someone else so I could have the correct size for my liking. I rationalized that I wasn’t stealing because the other person was still getting what they were supposed to get. They unfortunately just got it in a different size, and I somehow thought I deserved what I took as I ended up with the size I ordered. Stupid, stupid, stupid me and stupid, stupid, stupid, choice. What the heck was I doing? I realize now that if I have to rationalize for something to be right, it isn’t right!

The funny thing about all of this is that I don’t even care that much about clothes, or maybe I do and I don’t realize it. But for some reason I did that day. Even funnier is that the clothes I took don’t even fit right and I now hate wearing them because of what I did! I know! It serves me right! Naturally though, I have not been able to forgive myself.

Keeping it Real

So, moving right along. What did I learn from my stupidity? Well, first I realized that we all make mistakes and thus I have found myself less judgmental of others and their choices. I will never know if that person’s bad choice was just a weak moment, like mine was, so I’m willing to cut a little slack. I also hope others will give me a break, too, as I try to fix my mistakes. And really who am I to judge, anyway! Next, I learned that people are watching my actions every day. What I do does make a difference, right or wrong. Making the harder right choice, over and over again, does make the world a better place. And finally, I learned that I don’t like living feeling guilty and have decided again to forget, forgive myself, and make the harder right choice every single day!