Mother’s Day. It is a fantastic way to celebrate the life and work of mothers and mother figures all over the world. A day where, in theory, we recognize the hard work and sacrifice that mothers make for the sake of their families. And a day where we shower love and gifts and thoughts with those mother figures who we appreciate so much. Someone thought it was a good idea at some point in time, but in reality the jury is still out for many people on whether or not it truly is so fabulous. 

Have you ever had a Mother’s Day that wasn’t so great? One where you just wanted the day to end so you could go to bed and forget it ever happened? A Mother’s Day where you know intentions were great, but you still had an empty feeling at the end of it all? Well, I have. I’ve had Mother’s Days where all I could do is sink into bed at the end of the night and try not to cry. I have had a couple years where I have actually dreaded the day coming and wished we could just skip right past it. 

Now, I don’t want you to get all sorts of ideas about my husband or kids by my last statement. My husband is wonderful. He is my best friend and would do anything for me. My kids have nothing but great intentions. That being said, we are not good at surprises at our house, nurturing has always been more my strong suit than his, and our kids were young for what felt like an eternity. Even if dinner was planned, the house was clean and I had cards and gifts to open, there have still be years that were hard. Why is that, do you think? What is it about Mother’s Day that never quite lives up to what we think it should be? 

I’m going to tell you a generally known truth: by and large, motherhood is a thankless job. And one day set aside to recognize all the sacrifices made is hardly a drop in the bucket for what we do. I don’t care how supportive your husband or significant other is, mothers are still carrying a load that never fully goes away.

I read somewhere recently that the difference between a mother and father is that the mother’s thoughts and feelings about their kids never shut down. We have a connection to our kids that isn’t easily forgotten or put aside. And if it’s not thoughts directed specifically towards our kids, it’s thoughts about what needs to be done to keep our homes and families running. And it is exhausting! Personally, my brain never feels like it shuts down from the lists of things that must be done. I never get a break from the mental game of, “What am I missing? What hasn’t been done? What do I need to do for them? or “How can I help them?” How does anyone but another mother understand that? 

They don’t. They won’t. You can’t make them, so please don’t try. You will only feel frustration and it will add to your list of things to think about. 

So what about Mother’s Day? What about that one day set aside to honor you? Can I offer some simple suggestions that may take away the reason to dread the day? 

Making the Most of Mother’s Day

1. If you love gifts and cards, be VERY specific in asking for what you want. One of my sisters told me that her first Mother’s Day was terrible because she discovered her husband was not a mind reader and he did not catch on to her hints. Some husbands are naturally thoughtful; some are not. It does not make one better than the other! But if you sit down and say “this is what I expect” I can guarantee you will feel better and your husband and kids will be grateful for the direction. 
2. Maybe gifts don’t speak to you? Figure out what does and then be VERY specific about telling your husband and kids what you want. Several years ago I told my husband that I didn’t need gifts and I didn’t care about cards- I just wanted a clean house. So what I got was my husband trying to get our kids to help him clean and all of them resisting and everyone ended up angry. It was not what I wanted. I was not specific enough. The next year, can you guess what I asked for? I told him I wanted a clean house without the fight. If I had to listen to the fight to get it clean, it was no longer a gift I wanted. I even went so far as to tell him that I either wanted them to clean without the struggle or I wanted him to take all the kids out of the house for hours so I could clean and have them gone while I did it. I wasn’t opposed to cleaning it, I just didn’t want them there while I did it. It may seem silly, but it’s what I wanted. 
3. Don’t create unrealistic expectations. I know this is hard one. You know how hard you work to make your family work. And maybe most of your efforts go unnoticed. But setting the bar so high is a surefire way to feel bad on Mother’s Day. The goal is to feel OK by the end of the day. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment. And on the other side of this- be grateful for any effort they make! Don’t make light of any effort big or small by your family. Sometimes they are just doing the best they can with what they’ve got. Don’t fault them for that. 
4. Learn to take care of yourself. If you feel forgotten, do for yourself. Find a moment of quiet and eat your favorite treat and don’t share. Run to the mall on Saturday night and buy yourself a new shirt. Go to Target after everyone is in bed, if it’s the only time you can get away, and wander the aisles in silence. It is awesome to be remembered by others, but it is truly imperative that you learn to love yourself. And the suggestions above? I mention them because I have done them all for myself at some time in my mothering life. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I understand now that I don’t need someone to tell me that I’m a good mom. That validation isn’t necessary anymore. I KNOW I’m a good mom. I KNOW I work hard. And even if no one notices, I know. 
5. STAY AWAY FROM SOCIAL MEDIA ON MOTHER’S DAY! Far, far away. Remind yourself that for every person you know who posts about the gifts, cards, flowers, massages, trips, breakfast in bed, etc. there is a line of moms who are not posting because it didn’t happen for them. Or maybe they are secure enough to realize that validation through likes and hearts and comments are not necessary. I’m hoping for the latter. You cannot be jealous of the 50% of someone else’s life they are posting on social media. Remember that the other 50% stays hidden. Do not compare your worst to someone else’s public best. Please, please, please. Do not compare. 
6. It is not selfish to ask for time. Sometimes the thing I want more than anything on Mother’s Day is time to myself. I’d like to be left alone. And for years I have felt guilty about that. Mother’s Day seems to be a day where your kids want to crowd around you and love you and give you homemade cards. They want to rub your back or sit in your lap just so you know how much they love you. And I love all that. I love that they love me. But the thing that means the most to me is spending time alone to do exactly as I please. I want to read without interruption or nap in silence until I feel like getting up. And I don’t want to feel bad about it. I actually don’t care about gifts- they are not important to me. But my time? It means the world to me. And once you help your family understand that, you no longer have to feel guilty. They will learn that time is the greatest gift they can give you. And that can be enough. 
7. Focus your efforts on making someone else have a fabulous Mother’s Day. When we do for others, our attitude can immediately change from bad to good. Do you know a woman who hasn’t had the opportunity to be a mother? Send her a card and let her know how much she means to you. Is there a neighbor who doesn’t have family nearby and will spend the day alone? Invite them for dinner even if you are the one making the dinner! Send a text to your sister and let her know that you think she is an incredible mother. Make it your goal to make someone else’s day amazing. You will go to bed with a smile and a full heart if you do so. 

More than anything I want to remind you that being a mother is a gift! A beautiful, precious gift! And as much as there may be hard days and thankless moments, it is a gift to bear and raise children and have the joys that accompany that. Please remember that one day does not dictate whether your family honors or loves you as a mother. Search out those moments where your children tell you they love you, where they draw you a picture or gift you some small token that comes straight from their heart. Find the moments of happiness that motherhood brings on days other than Mother’s Day and it will make the actual day seem like less to dread. 

I am wishing you all a wonderful Mother’s Day this year! May you look for the good and be content in your day and know that you are loved. 🙂